Monday, October 10, 2005

I wonder..who reads my blog, apart from my C9, jc kakis, cousins and a few other close friends?

I have a love hate relationship towards blogging. The thing about it being so accessible by everyone. I loved it especially when I want to share my views to MY whole world. I hate it when I need to bitch about a particular person and I still have to worry whether that person will chance upon my blog, reads it and break his oversized ego. I have to wrestle between enjoying the huge satisfaction of telling you how I feel about this particular person, and the moral issues attached when I bitch publicly.

Ok i chose the latter. I am still a very nice and tactful girl. But you girls can ask me about that person. Well, you know, the C.T.? I think Kaiqi will know because she gave this nickname during chalet05. Tht is a big hint *evil wink*

*****
I just realised something when I was travelling to my tutee's house. The undeniable fact in life is that everything changes. However, it seems to many that change is a detrimental process.

How many times have we heard one party accusing the souring of a relationship because of the deviation of another's personality,behavior or style?

How many times have we heard the sighs of people exclaming the mutability of life, vastly different from the world they used to be in?

How many times have we heard people they wishing things never changed?

I reckoned change is bad only if you are not participating in the change. Change is seldom a overnight affair. Its just like a scenario where my mum sees me everyday and even if I gradually gained 5kg over 3 months, she would not have realised it, because she was in it with me, and she was changing her point of me from being fat to being fatter without even noticing it.

1 year ago, if you tell Kaiqi that I am going to change into a person that is okay with flings,who enjoys dancing with other men, who is willing to drink as much as possible, who is willing to put EXPENSIVE black goo on her face to tighten her pores, who is turning into being very materialistic, who is so shallow minded now, she would have told you that you are crazy. I am such a person now. She witness the change in me slowly and changes her point of looking at me and thus understands that I need to be the person I am now. If I moved on with her still running on the same spot, things would have been different because a sudden dilation of minds would cause real unhappiness.

Similarly, if one day I were to meet an old friend of mine who have not seen me for this past few months and I tell her what's been going on in my life, she would have thought to herself that the old wenyan is gone. In fact, I am still here. It is still that same old soul in that same flowerpot. It is just that she have not moved on with me.

hence, change is nothing if you were changing in tune with that person

Once we accuse another of changing, the curse sets in that, yes, I have sinned in your eyes because I changed, thus in your heart, we could never be like the past again. However, if your mind was more versatile and accepting of changes, a new kind of friendship could be budding again, and we could be close friends in another manner of communication.

People often ask more whys (reasons why we changed) than why nots (why not accept the way I am now)

Sometimes you seen the most sudden change in the person whom you feel closest to and whom you love most and you wondered why.

Perhaps he moved on and did not want to bring you along. Perhaps you were reluctant to go when he wanted to bring you along.

Change had fooled the best of men. Sadly, us too.