Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Recently, some of my belongings, in particular gifts from my past relationship have taken a liking to destroy themselves. I wonder if they too, like my friends are taking great pains to wake me up from my 9 month old stupor.

I am torn in a tedious attempt for me to be able to let go. A complete fiasco if I should judge it. People ask me if I am okay, they try to hunt for any clues of 'unokayness' in my facial expression and my daily activities. I keep ensuring people who care that I am ok, but deep down I wonder if I really am. Kaiqi thinks that I am recovering. But the path to recovery still claims much tears and heartache.

It is really ironic that I should use my mind over my heart to judge new relationships, but towards that event I had used my heart over my mind. Damn. I know people will tell me to get a new life, this is only one small minor hiccup I encountered on the way. There are people worse than you, they do not have food, their parents die, theirs studies stuck, blah blah. I am sorry to say that I had not encountered that sort of tragedy, thus I do not know how it feels like. To me, the end of my first relationship is the extent of heartbreak I could feel. I know I am weak. I admit it.

Things just get a little emotional when I discovered that my sis broke my hawaii flower hairband, and when my tatty bear keychain engraved with 'together' broke for no reason.

And things do not help when I had a big tiff with my mum, or when I really suck at my piano when my exam's on this friday, or when you get caught in that damn heavy rain feeling so cold and pathetic and unglam(not that I have ever looked glam), or when I kept having nightmares reliving one of the worst moments of my life.

On another note, I just want to comment on Kaiqi's telepathy with me. She just know when is the time when I am in trouble. Zhaoyan says that we are Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort. Not that me or kaiqi has any lightning shaped scar. She called me when I am at my snivelling blabbering state, making me feel so much better after 2 hours of pep talk. Thanks girl.Everyone should get a best friend like her. *Wink*